when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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