His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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