the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
