If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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