Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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