So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
