His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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