I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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