You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
