So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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