And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
