We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
