nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
