I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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