I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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