The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
