I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
