i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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