So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
