Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
