feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
