Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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