just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
