i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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