there was a trapeze. enough said
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
