her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
