If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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