she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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