Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
