she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
