Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
