Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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