Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
