My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
