3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Operation Purity has been aborted
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
