So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
