If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I hope mine doesn't look like that
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
