I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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