I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
