If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
