He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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