Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
