I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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