It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
