Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
