I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
