You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The power of my boobs compel you
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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