Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
