just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
