hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
