OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
