Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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